4 Years and 4 Lessons We’ve Learned

Four years ago today Caleb & I were married before our family and friends. We have been together for about six years, but never lived in the same city until our wedding day. Moving in together was a big adjustment, but felt natural and fun from the beginning. As we are celebrating four years of marriage, I wanted us to each share four lessons we’ve learned over the past four years.  

1.  Think before speaking.
Easier said than done, I know. Over the past four years I’ve learned just how selfish I am. I’m pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of times I have been frustrated with Caleb for being selfish. I, however, need two hands to count the number of times I am selfish- each week… I am working on biting my tongue and recognizing my selfish ways before verbalizing them.

2. Adventure is important.
We have a long bucket list of places we want to go or things we want to see. Sometimes, we just need a vacation (even if it is a staycation) to remind us of the honeymoon phase and how exciting it is that we get to do life alongside our best friend. We always return from our adventures (no matter how big or small) a little more connected than when we left.

3. Celebrate the little moments.
Caleb and I have learned to celebrate even the smallest of moments. No moment is too small to savor.  Even on the hardest days, there is still something worth celebrating. Whether that means opening champagne because it’s Monday or simply staying on the sunny side of the street to let the sun shine upon your face for a few extra minutes {even though the cross walk says it is time to cross}. Find little moments together and soak them up.

4. Conversation is crucial.  
I’m not a huge fan of sharing my struggles and I tend to bottle my frustrations up until I can’t handle them anymore- not healthy, I know. But in marriage, there is no way of hiding it. Sometimes, you have to have those crucial conversations and unload your baggage. Before we were married we came up with these seven weekly questions that we ask each other each Sunday. Are they sometimes awkward? Yes. Are they always helpful? Yes.

Caleb–

1. You have to keep things fresh.
I am a person who does well working with a schedule and a routine. I can easily get in a rhythm and get lost in “trying” to be productive (please notice the quotation marks). Over the last four years I have learned how important it is to my wife and myself to get out of our routine and go to a Broadway show or out to dinner when we planned on eating at home. You have to be willing to get outside of your routine to continue to learn more about each other and love one another more deeply. 

 2. Marriage is about creating new memories and experiences.
So this isn’t necessarily an AHA kind of statement. I think we all know a whimsical lifestyle full of memories and new experiences is truly worthwhile. What I have learned in my four years of marriage is that making memories and having new experiences is crucial. Every chance we get to travel, try something new or indulge in a nice bottle of champagne is an opportunity to live this whimsical lifestyle we strive for.

 3. Flowers might not last, but the feeling they give your wife are lasting.
I was never the kind of guy to buy flowers. I looked at them from a more practical perspective. I thought the cost did not outweigh the benefit. After four years of marriage, I can truly tell you my philosophy was flawed. It isn’t really even the flowers my wife loves (OK, maybe it is); it is the thought and knowledge that goes into purchasing and delivering those flowers to Chloé (thank you brilliant flower marketers). If your wife or significant other is not a flower person, then please think about something they love that would be even more special coming from you. The thought truly does count. 

4. Being smart with money truly makes my wife love me more.
If you have taken the time to read through all of my lessons, then you are probably seeing the dollar signs line up. However, I can truly tell you there are not many things I can do to make Chloé love me more than being frugal. We truly try not to spend money when we do not have to. We save, save and save some more (thank you Dave Ramsey), so that when we have the opportunity to go make a memory or check something off our bucket list, we don’t have to think twice about it. In our 4 years of marriage I have learned the difference between being able to book that international trip or not, can truly come down to simply living a little more frugally for a month or two. 

What advice have you heard or would you give to a married couple?

Photos by Ashley Monogue Photography