Has it really been 2 years since we said ‘I do’ in front of our friends and family? August 24, 2012 feels like a lifetime ago and like yesterday all at the same time. The emotions and the memories from that day are still so fresh. Yet in 2 short years we have made more memories than I could have ever dreamed.

I am by no means a marriage expert. In fact, I am a broken sinner who managed to snatch up the best man on earth- seriously… how did I get so blessed? We are absolutely still newlyweds and soaking up every moment of marital bliss. Despite our newlywed status, the Lord has been gracious enough to teach us so many valuable lessons about life and marriage in 2 short years.

1. Marriage is fun.

Marriage truly is fun.  Yes, we have a boring routine- just like 99% of the world. But each day is an adventure spent by my best friends side. Caleb knows how to add magic to each day. Whether it is a spur of the moment dance party in our home, long walks in the park, or Caleb simply reminding me to laugh rather than cry when rain begins to dump down on us as we drive our motor bike home from the outdoor night market. Each day should be filled with laughter and extravagant love.

2. I am selfish.

I am far more selfish than I would ever care to admit. In fact, I don’t think I realized just how selfish I am until we moved to Asia. I’ve been rereading the book “The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller. I would recommend everyone read this book twice. Yes, twice. I read it when we first got married and am reading it again now. While I enjoyed it the first go around, I have learned so much more about who I am as a wife and as a person this year. The book points out that our selfishness and our partners selfishness becomes much more apparent after about 2 years of marriage and this is often what leads to marital issues. Immediately my heart sank. I think I can literally count on 2 hands how many times I have been truly frustrated with Caleb for being selfish. I, on the other hand, don’t know that I can use 2 hands to count my selfishness in a week. I married a saint- seriously. This is something I need to work on… daily.

3. Marriage makes you more holy.

I almost feel awkward making the statement above because my life is often far from holy. But it is true. Marriage is supposed to make you holy. As believers we are called to give up our personal, fleshly desires and strive to imitate Christ. As a wife we must realize that we are a single unit in a set. Decisions cannot be based on our needs or wants. We need to put others before ourselves. And sometimes it is rough. Sometimes I want to be stubborn and selfish. But then I have Caleb to hold me accountable and to call me to a higher standard.  Proverbs 27:17 says that we need to be like “iron sharpen[ing] iron.” And therefore heat, friction, and sparks are sometimes necessary. Luckily we know that it is all out of love.

4. Conversation is crucial.

One of my favorite weekly dates is the time we spend going over our Weekly Questions. They take all of 20 minutes but they bring such joy to my heart. I always feel like a burden has been lifted on my chest because our struggles, our goals, and our prayer requests have been not only verbalized, but they have also recognized by our spouse. This year I have learned the importance of confessing my sins to Caleb. Yes, we have learned to share the dirtiest, ugliest part of ourselves with each other. It is often shameful and embarrassing. But I know that Caleb loves me unconditionally and the point of our marriage is to become more like Christ. When sins are confessed, accountability and prayer are provided.

5. Say I am sorry often.

I will say it again, I am a sinner and I sin often. Many times I don’t even realize I have done something to hurt Caleb. I’ve learned it is imperative that we not only apologize for our mistakes, but that we also ask for forgiveness. And when your spouse apologizes to you- forgive, forgive, forgive. Life is too short to hold a grudge.

6. Spend time digging into the Word together.

This has easily become one of my favorite lessons from our second year of marriage. Our first year of marriage was spent at a school literally studying the Word of God at least 5 hours a day. But when we entered the ‘real world’ our quiet times suffered. This year we have found a routine and we adore it. We wouldn’t trade our morning coffee/breakfast and quiet time for the world. Each morning we dig into the Word on our own. Afterwards we share what the Lord spoke to us in our readings and share some of our favorite verses from the morning. Then we read our ‘Jesus Calling’ devotional together and end in prayer- as a couple. There is nothing more attractive than watching your husband pursue the Lord and few things warm my heart more than hearing him lead us in prayer. I still get goosebumps when he prays about our future family {key word- future}.

{see our 1st year of marriage post here}
{see our engagement story here}

What have you learned from marriage?
Any other tips or advice?